Monday, December 8, 2008

A Three-Decker Sauerkraut & Toadstool Sandwich With Arsenic Sauce

Like every year, we are watching a lot of TV Christmas specials on DVD. I have a strict rule that the movies go away with the Christmas decorations so they are fun and new every year. I remember as a kid just waiting and waiting until the Christmas specials would come on every year. I am sure some of the excitement is lost due to the fact that the kids can watch them multiple times each season, but I'm trying to keep the magic alive.
My favorite is still How The Grinch Stole Christmas, and I think I appreciate it even more as an adult because Dr. Suess is such a genius, and so much of his humor was lost on me as a kid. Not only is he absolutely hilarious, but he is the most masterful rhymer that I can think of. My favorite part is the lyrics to "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch". I think this is Dr. Suess at his best, so I had to share the lyrics for your holiday enjoyment:

You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch

Verse 1:

You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.
You really are a heel!
You're as cuddly as a cactus,
You're as charming as an eel.
Mr. Gri-inch!

You're a bad banana with a...
Greasy black peel!

Verse 2:

You're a monster, Mr. Grinch.
Your heart's an empty hole!
Your brain is full of spiders,
You've got garlic in your soul.
Mr. Gri-inch.

I wouldn't touch you with a...
Thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!

Verse 3:

You're a vile one, Mr. Grinch.
You have termites in your smile!
You have all the tender sweetness
Of a seasick crocodile,
Mr. Gri-inch!

Given the choice between the two of you,
I'd take the seasick crocodile!

Verse 4:

You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch.
You're a nasty, wasty skunk!
Your heart is full of unwashed socks,
Your soul is full of gunk,
Mr. Gri-inch!

The three words that best describe you are as follows
And I quote: "Stink. Stank. Stunk"!

Verse 5:

You're a rotter, Mr. Grinch.
You're the king of sinful sots!
Your heart's a dead tomato
Splotched with moldy purple spots,
Mr. Gri-inch!

Your soul is an appalling dump heap, overflowing
with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable
rubbish imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots!

Note: The television version substitutes the end of verse 6 (toadstool sandwich line) at the end of this verse, even though the rhyming is slightly off.

Verse 6:

You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch.
With a nauseous super-naus!
You're a crooked jerky jockey,
And you drive a crooked hoss,
Mr. Gri-inch!

You're a three-decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich,
With arsenic sauce!

Note: The television version substitutes the end of verse 5 (deplorable rubbish line) at the end of this verse, even though the rhyming is slightly off.
I'm not sure anything better has ever been written in the English language, although that may be a bit of an exaggeration. I love the story of the Grinch, I love the crazy, kitchy colors in the animation, I love Boris Karloff. In my humble opinion, this is Christmas at its best.